Q: Think of an interaction in which you felt disconfirmed or
defensive. Describe how others in the situation communicated toward
you. How many of Gibb's defensiveness-producing communication behaviors
can you identify as present in the situation?
A: I'd say the best example I have for this is in high school when everyone is clustered in their groups and one pair of my friends broke up and caused a huge chaotic "he said" "she said" in the group. I stood between the two because they had been my more honest and reliable friends for all four years of high school. The female had most of the female friends around her saying a lot of negative things about the male and constantly said it was his fault and he's the one that was wrong and why she shouldn't feel bad and such. Most of the phrases listed in the textbook on page 204 were evident in both sides of the situation. When the male and female fought they often said things in the acknowledgement and when they were with their group of friends they were further endorsed. When you think back and really think through the whole situation was a bit hilarious because of how they would gather on two opposites sides of the classroom and have their battles.
Hi G-Dragon,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you had to be placed in the middle of this awful spat between two friends having what I hope was only a temporary fall out. It can be hard not to be defensive when you have two people you care dearly for attacking another and it can get even worse when they turn around and say that you agreed with them about the horrible feelings about the other friend. You said that the pair that broke up in turn split the group according to gender. I wonder if this occurred due to their actual relationships with people of the same sex or if the people taking sides did so according to what they believed was most socially acceptable. In any case, I hope that you grew from the experience somehow and that you do not have to go through that again in future.
Thanks for sharing,
Sea Star
Hi G-dragon, I really enjoyed this post. I’m sorry you were put in that type of situation. It’s never a good thing when you have to be put in the middle of such disputes. It is a shame that these two people (both the male and female) were getting fed such negative comments by their friends. I am sure that if they just spoke to each other directly they would have figured it out a lot sooner. When others endorse negative comments one convinces themselves that they are correct for feeling that way. When in reality it just breeds misery. I’m glad you were able to grow from that situation and hopefully won’t encounter it again!
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